Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Your cock deserves a montage
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
