probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
