So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
