i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You need Xanax blowdarts
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
