her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
