My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
