its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
