She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
