Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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