We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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