mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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