Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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