It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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