And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
