sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
