Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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