You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
