i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
