Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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