yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
