another moral hangover. fuck.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
