Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
