haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
