Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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