btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
