its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
