come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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