He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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