At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
