I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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