I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
