ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
