I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my liver is dry heaving
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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