2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
