Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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