All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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