drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
