I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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