someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
