Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
