happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
