My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
