Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
