Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
