So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
