he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
