Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
