just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
