i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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