Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
