Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
