Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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