Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
