What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
third nipple confirmed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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