New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
