I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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