Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
