How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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